If I withhold the truth may I go straight to Hell where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola. Where my soul will be chopped into a million little pieces and used as confetti upon a parade of murderers and single mothers.

You can’t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once and move on

It was a tumultuous time for our nation. The clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about star trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabated.

In my heart, I’ve always been a small time hustler

Spinoff! Is there any word more thrilling to the human soul?

Murphy, yous. You are a elf. Uncontrollably. I think. A wee non rehi ehiko.

You have the right to remain fabulous.

I gotta go my damn wiener kids are listening.

Ah, sweet liquor eases the pain.

Human contact: the final frontier